The Other

Feeling like the “other” is a consistent struggle for me. Being half-cast polynesian-caucasian it meant I was either the “ white” at Tongan functions or the “brown” person everywhere else in Utah. It was a constant struggle that I have had to come in terms with. It still is a struggle with others as I feel that they try to categorize me into a box that makes sense to them. Upon hearing about this assignment I thought, “When am I not “the other”.” I decided to stretch myself because maybe being a constant other I’ve come immune to the feelings of “other-ship” and therefore yet another experience with it will allow me to be empathetic and analyze it objectively using the perspective obtained from readings and class discussions.

As part of my “other” assignment I decided to go to my cousin’s fiance’s bridal shower. There were two different showers this weekend one run by my girl cousin and one run by the bride's friends. I knew none of my family would be going to the latter so I decided to accomplish my assignment there. Like anticipated, I was the only polynesian there and it was my first bridal shower attended that was run by caucasians.

They invited me in and had me introduce myself. I felt a little uncomfortable by the fact that I had broken a social norm of going to a party I wasn’t personally invited to but other than that I felt fine. I adapted quickly and got to know everyone. Being social and making friends comes easier to me and I thought that maybe this wouldn’t serve its purpose for being an “other “ experience. This changed when they started playing bridal shower games. They got a poster of a naked man and we played pin the junk on the hunk. Similar to pin the tail on the donkey. We played a number of crude games that at one point I felt too uncomfortable to participate in, in which I left to go to the restroom. I don’t know if I can attribute my uncomfortableness to my cultural upbringing or my religious one but they both felt violated at this point. I continued as an observer of games instead of a participant until we moved on to the next event of gift giving.

Though I have grown up in a deluded Tongan/american culture there are still fundamentals that I have grown up with since infancy that are considered taboo and will result in a hiding if overstepped. One of these is the respect of brother and sister relationships. I consider my first cousins siblings. Therefore my cousin getting married is my brother. It is disrespectful to talk about my brother in front of me or my sisters, regarding sex. I should have probably foreseen this but I didn’t realize how different this “other” experience was going to be. With each gift came a detailed explanation, especially from the married gift givers. All the different gifts alluded to sex. My brother was the pit of every raunchy joke and I felt infuriated. I stayed silent and shared my gift. I brought mixing bowls. That was an “other-ing” experience because any bridal shower I had been to before was always family and mostly they were gifts of cookbooks and different house supplies. There was hardly ever talk of the wedding night which was focused on completely at this party.

Analyzing this experience I wonder how I can apply it to the classroom. There may be students that aren’t accustomed to different cultural customs or traditions. There may be conflicting customs. There may be students that are forced to be silent because the majority. There may be students that bring mixing bowls to a bridal shower and feel stupid. There is a lot that can be learned from other cultures and there are a lot of ways that these cultures can clash. But if there is understanding of these differences as a projector and a facilitator then we can address these differences and like my sub-cultural upbringing, come to a happy medium of the best of two worlds. There are still going to be biases and misunderstandings but it is our responsibility as educators to foresee these potential clashes and make an atmosphere where the “other” is eliminated.